Just Being Me

It's not so easy, to be me.
Always thinking, never drinking
And always trying to see.

It's not so easy, being I.
Complicated emotions, constant love and devotion
Praying, staying, driving, diving
Trying not to live a lie.

It's not so easy, to be me.
No off switch, thinking I'm a bitch
Always contemplating, never seranading
Always on the ball, trying to control
And never holding the key.

It's not so easy, being I.
Swinging up and down, trying not to frown
Wanting to be loved, aside being shoved
Giving everything, wanting just to sing
Writing down the pain, trying not to open a vein
Sometimes wanting to die

It's not so easy, to be me
People seeing perfection, someone with direction
She's got it all together, going hell for leather
Friendly and outgoing, shyness never showing
Can't believe she struggles, just look how she juggles
Sure her life's been hard, but now not broken shards
She's electricity.

It's not so easy, being I
She's back together with glue, and now she's after Stu
We know she'll be all right, she'll get over it overnight
Never seeing I hurt, or that I feel like dirt
Never seeing that I cry, and that I live a lie
Never seeing all my shame, that I'll never be the same
Knowing that I feel loveable, the good in me undiscoverable
No matter how I try.

It's not so easy, to be me.
Losing, gaining, waxing, waning
Trying to be the best, trying to forget the rest
Cogs spinning, obsessed with thinning
Brain on overload, trying not to explode
Complicated, underrated, over-achiever, firm believer
Damaged goods, not just misunderstood
Procrastinator, potential world changer
If only I could see.

It's not so easy, being I.
Who I am is not a lie.
I know that I will make it through
To myself, and God, I am true
And maybe that's all I need.
After all, I'm just a seed.
It's not so easy, being I,
But, you know, I try.

2004 evk